Hold On To

I know you are far away
but I’m not doing well you know
there’s a sadness when I try to let go
there is always a subtle justification
for every manifestation of “us”
I create. 
I relate better to history.
Even when you were pissed at me
I loved you deeply.
Your eyes would seep into me as home
but now
that was a long...long time ago.

time flows 
life grows
and we haven’t enough sorrow
to hold on to everything.
Every scene
that ever brought us down

but you 
I hold on to
like questions I can’t respond to.
you share my spirit
And I fear it has enlightened over time
to the point where it’s no longer mine
or even something I understand.

To be man around you
was not something I thought I could do
but then I did.
I place a bid on your sentimentality.
I just couldn’t pay my dues.

now there’s no you.
sure you still love me
what choice do you have?
Our hearts are a match.

now we’re older
colder to the idea of change
I wish you could re-arrange
your heart
and start longing again.
I wish you would open
because it’s cold 
and I want to come in.