40
I’m 40 years old and
I am on blood pressure medication.
My cousin,
two years younger.
has a two year old daughter
that I have only met two times.
Cutest damned thing in the world.
I have two 14 year old cats
who occasionally go into old man
coughing fits.
I have an apartment,
that I am sure has a floor,
but I haven’t seen it in months.
It’s full of stuff but
I often feel like I have nothing.
Where did it go?
My ambition and love for the world?
I can’t believe this is me. AND
I am 40 years old and
I am on blood pressure medication.
I am not surprised
that people are disenfranchised
with the world
and politics
and food
and money
and…fill in the blank.
They say it’s hard out here for a pimp. But
I think pimps run this place and
it’s no fun being someone’s whore.
That’s probably wrong thinking,
and maybe misogynist,
it’s hard track whether or not
I am a feminist anymore.
My mother raised me but
I definitely do dumb man shit and
I am 40 years old.
I am on blood pressure medication.
Can you remember the last time
you had a care-free day?
I remember Carefree gum but
that’s about it.
I am sorry vegetarians but
my relationships are a good brisket
they fall apart
as they slowly stop my heart.
I want something wholesome.
I don’t really know what that means but
it sounds great.
Doesn’t it?
Something that is complete
and loving…
and old.
Shit.
I’m 40 years old and
I’m on blood pressure medication.
I remember being young.
I was magical.
I would hang out
among the trees
I would fantasize whole worlds.
There were elves
and Italians.
They lived in a village
where they would make the music that I loved.
They would make up games for me to play.
I was never involved in the planning.
I was basically a crazy person
and nobody cared because I was young.
Nobody looks twice
at a child talking to himself.
Playing with…
Umm…playing with no other children.
It’s just being young.
I miss being young.
More than I miss grandparents.
More than I miss my lost friends.
More than anything
Here’s the thing, people.
I know that I am not dead yet.
I know that life could have
50 more villages with elves and Italians
who all chew Carefree gum.
I know that I am 40
and on blood pressure medication.
But I also know that
If I remember where my glasses are,
and stay focused,
the days won’t get away from me.
The nights won’t hurt me,
as the hours tick slowly by.
And my existence will be worth something
to someone.
I think that’s all I ever really wanted.
I am on blood pressure medication.
My cousin,
two years younger.
has a two year old daughter
that I have only met two times.
Cutest damned thing in the world.
I have two 14 year old cats
who occasionally go into old man
coughing fits.
I have an apartment,
that I am sure has a floor,
but I haven’t seen it in months.
It’s full of stuff but
I often feel like I have nothing.
Where did it go?
My ambition and love for the world?
I can’t believe this is me. AND
I am 40 years old and
I am on blood pressure medication.
I am not surprised
that people are disenfranchised
with the world
and politics
and food
and money
and…fill in the blank.
They say it’s hard out here for a pimp. But
I think pimps run this place and
it’s no fun being someone’s whore.
That’s probably wrong thinking,
and maybe misogynist,
it’s hard track whether or not
I am a feminist anymore.
My mother raised me but
I definitely do dumb man shit and
I am 40 years old.
I am on blood pressure medication.
Can you remember the last time
you had a care-free day?
I remember Carefree gum but
that’s about it.
I am sorry vegetarians but
my relationships are a good brisket
they fall apart
as they slowly stop my heart.
I want something wholesome.
I don’t really know what that means but
it sounds great.
Doesn’t it?
Something that is complete
and loving…
and old.
Shit.
I’m 40 years old and
I’m on blood pressure medication.
I remember being young.
I was magical.
I would hang out
among the trees
I would fantasize whole worlds.
There were elves
and Italians.
They lived in a village
where they would make the music that I loved.
They would make up games for me to play.
I was never involved in the planning.
I was basically a crazy person
and nobody cared because I was young.
Nobody looks twice
at a child talking to himself.
Playing with…
Umm…playing with no other children.
It’s just being young.
I miss being young.
More than I miss grandparents.
More than I miss my lost friends.
More than anything
Here’s the thing, people.
I know that I am not dead yet.
I know that life could have
50 more villages with elves and Italians
who all chew Carefree gum.
I know that I am 40
and on blood pressure medication.
But I also know that
If I remember where my glasses are,
and stay focused,
the days won’t get away from me.
The nights won’t hurt me,
as the hours tick slowly by.
And my existence will be worth something
to someone.
I think that’s all I ever really wanted.